Willingness to find a better life: God as father or friend.

I offer this post, mainly with believers in God in mind, but also to anyone who is interested. Lest I offend, I offer my apologies here and now. Please don't get me wrong, I am not arguing that everyone should be a Christian., only that in religions that use a paternal figure as their conception of God, this can cause problems that could be resolved with a change of emphasis...

For many people, God is someone who is not really very nice. A rather stern father figure who requires things in order to allow you into heaven is often how people conceive of their God. For this reason, many people fear this God, or react against it, by saying they refusing to believe in such a tyrant.

Readers in the UK, will understand how our cultural heritage potently encourages people to conceive of a deity as a stern parent, rather than trusting friend. If you don’t meet arbitrary demands given by this parent you are not into heaven - to be part of the family. Does this sound like love? I can’t say it does. Café Lumiere would not treat its customers this way…

Does that mean God is faulty or does that mean our idea is faulty or both? Within a monotheistic context, it does not make much sense to have a God, who as the creator of the whole universe spends a portion of its time punishing itself. If God were universal, part of its time would be spent punishing itself (for those of a Christen bent among you consider Psalm 82.6) "I have said, Ye are gods; and all of you are children of the most High".

The notion of God as stern parent means that this same God created experiences which felt good to it when in human form, which it was then to punish at a later time. A sort of sadomasochist, which hardly seems very likely for the force of life. The notion of a judging father figure, however, is very potent for some people; especially those who feel that spirituality has nothing to offer them because of their ideas about God as a critical parent. No wonder, so many people fear judgement day, if such a thing were to exist. For this reason, even many believers say that they fear God, and don't seek much contact. Yet, surely if you did believe in a force that had created a world of possibilities you would want more contact with it.

A more realistic model of God, for those who believe and those who don’t, must surely be that of a friend. Looking at God in this way would make people value contact with God much more than that with a needy parent and pursue that connection more willingly. Good friendships are ultimately based on trust. How can you trust a needy parent? So the model of God as friend is a more convincing model than that of parent.

How does this friendship happen? Many people react violently against the suggestion that they could do more to find a satisfying friendship with a deity, even if they believe in one. Part of the reason must surely be because for many people the model of God they work with is so limited and unattractive.

Changing the conception of God from a judging father to friend, presents a great challenge, but one which if accomplished would lead to improved well-being for those who made that change. A considerable challenge for many people is to find personal meaning from events that have happened to them, for themselves.

As Basil Hume once said (roughly), 'people don't have difficulty in believing in God... they have difficulty in believing in a God who is nice.'

(my thanks to Friendship With God, a book by Neale Donald Walsch, who has written more eloquently than I have on this topic, and also the awe community for the picture)